Category: Grieving

Dec 10 2013 December 10, 2013 July 14, 2015 2Comments by wade.courtney
Luis Vega

A Day in Court

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This past Friday was supposed to be another milestone passed on this new life path without one of my children. myself, my family, and a contingent of supporters should have sat in the courtroom watching Evelyn’s Killer get sentenced to prison for his crime. Finally, he was supposed to be held accountable so that we could move forward.

I sat in the next to the last row of the courtroom, my attorney on my right and my friend behind me. In front of me, not more than a foot, sat Robbie Gillespie’s wife. In front of her sat an aging, diminutive Philippine woman who was to be his new attorney. We could tell, because she help a large accordion file with ROBBIE GILLESPIE written on the side in big, bold letters. Gillespie’s wife was accompanied by others, whom I could only guess were friends and family. Notably absent were his own children.

As all the other cases on the docket were cleared, we were all asked to vacate the courtroom so that Gillespie could have  a private conversation with his public defender and the judge. This is the part where Gillespie tried and failed to fire his public defender for incompetence.

Finally we were all called back into the courtroom. I switched my seating arrangement so I could have a good vantage point. I wanted to Gillespie to look me in the eye. I alone sat in the very first row of seats, his family sat in the very last row. He winked to his wife or to or to someone, it was hard to tell.

It was the first time I had ever seen him in person. He wore his orange prison jumpsuit, he was clean-shaven, wearing glasses that reminded me of Louis Dega from Papillon. He was shackled.

The first thing the judge did was refuse Gillespie’s motion to dismiss his public defender on the grounds of incompetence. Then his public defender was relieved from the case so the private defense attorney could take over.

She did two things, the first was to ask for a continuance in the case so that she could prepare for the next hearing date. The second was to ask for a psychological evaluation of Gillespie, stating that he did not understand the charges or proceedings that were being held against him.

The judge granted the continuance and because the competency hearing could be held before the next hearing, he granted that too.

What does that mean? Well, simply put, if he is declared incompetent, Gillespie will be transferred to a psychiatric hospital until such time that he is declared competent to stand trial. If he is declared competent at the hearing, then everything moves forward to the next sentencing hearing where his new defense lawyer put forth a motion to withdraw his guilty plea.

If the motion is granted, then we start over from the beginning.

If the motion is denied, then he will be sentenced that day.

I can’t begin to describe to you the anger I am feeling at this animal for his contempt and manipulation of the system. I am in utter disbelief at his failure to recognize and take responsibility for what he has done to my family and his own.

These animals are so lacking in integrity, morals, and compassion that they have not even reached out to us to offer condolences for our loss. A loss that he caused and she defends.


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Dec 03 2013 December 3, 2013 July 14, 2015 2Comments by wade.courtney
Evelyn

Be a Man

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The defendant in the case  is attempting to fire his public defender and withdrawal his guilty plea. What this means:
The judge with either:

  • Grant his motion and give him a 60 day continuance and not impose sentencing on Friday.

OR

  • Reject his motion and impose sentencing as scheduled.

I can’t begin to tell you how angry and sad we are. Why can’t this person just take responsibility for his actions. Why can’t he just be a man.

We still plan on attending on Friday, in case that the judge throws out Gillespie’s motion and sentences him for the crimes to which he has already admitted.


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Nov 17 2013 November 17, 2013 March 25, 2014 3Comments by wade.courtney
Evelyn's Tree

A Dedication – Evelyn’s Tree

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Yesterday we dedicated Evelyn’s tree

Today we are here in this beautiful park, near this beautiful lake to remember and celebrate the life of a beautiful young woman. Twenty years ago today, Evelyn came kicking and screaming into this world and over her short life, grew to be an independent, fearless personification of generosity and kindness.

Evelyn bears the name of her grandmother, Bonnie Jean Courtney, who was there when Evelyn arrived. Evelyn also bears the name of her other grandmother, Evelia Rojas, who is here today at the end of Evelyn’s life.

Evelyn was always exploring her spirituality. Her latest expedition was into Buddhism. Evelyn believed in God or a higher power, but always wanted to know more. She was accepting of other’s beliefs and lifestyles and she held the same live and let live attitude that helps me get through life.

In times like this, many of us question our belief system and ask the question that no living person has the answer too:  What happens when we die? Some think we go to heaven or hell, some think that we just cease to exist. I like to think that life follows certain laws and like Scotty says,” I canna break the laws of physics captain”. The law of the conservation of energy says that energy is neither created nor destroyed, but that it just changes form.

So here we are, all of us surrounding this tree filled with Evelyn’s energy, transferring our heat and our love to it, through its leaves, to the branches, through the trunk, and into the roots.

This tree stands as a monument to Evelyn as an example of her generosity and kindness. This tree is here because of the generosity and kindness of others. It is because of those people that we have a place to come, sit and reflect, read or have a picnic, in this beautiful park on the bank of this beautiful lake. It is with a great bittersweet joy that I dedicate this tree to Evelyn Jean Courtney. Enjoy your view.

Our family would like to thank all of those people who helped make this tree happen. I don’t know the names of all who contributed, but specifically, I’d like to recognize our friend Sue Heim and Evelyn’s friend Renee and her coworkers from Steinmart without whom this would not have been possible. I’d also like to thank the City of Poway, Parks and Recreation Department and Bob Hahn for helping us plant the tree.


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Oct 20 2013 October 20, 2013 March 25, 2014 2Comments by wade.courtney
Evelyn Living Life

I can’t believe it’s been 4 months

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My dearest Evelyn,

Today marks the day that 4 months ago you left us with no explanation. We still don’t know where you were going, what you were doing, or who you were with.

There are times when I don’t miss your presence, but I think that is because you are with me. The times I hurt the most are the times that I think you’ve gone off somewhere else.

We went to a fashion show last night, your mother and I. It was Exhibit Ambush. Antoinette did another fabulous job putting together a great show. You would have looked great walking in that show, and I saw you in many of the models that walked.

There were many people who I knew that came up to ask how we were doing and to offer assistance. Some of them were people you know, some weren’t.

I shot some photos last night. I tried to do what I do. Some turned out OK, while others did not. I want to start taking photos again. I think that is what is missing most of all now that you are gone. I wish we had worked together more, but I was angry with you. I took it for granted that you would always be there. I’m sorry.

Today we are going to choose a tree that is to represent your life. It will be planted in Lake Poway, in the grassy area where it overlooks the lake. We are planning your birthday celebration at that park, near that tree.

I just want you to know that we love you and miss you every day. All of us, even your bratty brother. I hope that someday we find peace and I hope that we can go on with our lives while learning to live without you.

You are always in our hearts.
Dad, Mom, Jonathan, and Jeremiah


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Oct 06 2013 October 6, 2013 March 25, 2014 6Comments by wade.courtney

Justice for Evelyn Courtney

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On Friday, we laid Evelyn to rest in Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery. It was a peaceful and beautiful day, surrounded by family. Evelyn has a nice view of the San Diego skyline, the harbor, North Island Naval Air Station, and the Pacific Ocean.

Evelyn shouldn’t be there, but she is. She is there because the person who assumed responsibility for her safety once she got in his car, Robbie Gillespie, was high on methamphetamine and chose to run a red light instead of stopping. Evelyn thankfully did not suffer, but now the rest of us suffer her loss because of one man’s negligence.

Many people have been affected by the loss of Evelyn. Her family, friends, and colleagues will never be the same.

To Evelyn’s friends and to the friends of the family we would like to ask you for one more favor in addition to the outpouring of love, support, and prayers for our broken family.

On December 6th, 2013, Robbie Gillespie faces sentencing for the crimes of Gross Vehicular Manslaughter and Possession of a Controlled substance.  He faces a maximum sentence of 10 years and 8 months for his crimes. We want to ensure that he gets the maximum sentence.

How can you help?

You can write a letter to  Judge Moring of Dept 30, in care of San Diego Deputy District Attorney Dan Link.

Some tips for writing your letter:38251_412157048842_1121010_n

  • Remember you are addressing the court, not Robbie Gillespie.
  • Keep your language clean. Excessive cursing may not get your letter read.
  • Inform the court of any direct concerns for your safety.
  • Remember that your letter may become part of the public record and may be read aloud in the courtroom. Media may be present.
  • Express how the crime has affected you physically or mentally.
  • Make sure you say who you are writing about.

Where to send your letters:

By Email: Linda Peña

By Postal Mail:

Attn: Dan Link (or Linda Peña)
Office of District Attorney
PO Box 121011
San Diego, CA  92112

By Fax: 619-515-8528, Attn: Dan Link or Linda Peña

EvelynComing to the hearing:

You may wish to come to the hearing, but you should know that seating is limited and it is unlikely that you will be able to read your statement aloud. It is better if you can send your statement by one of the methods listed above.


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Jul 20 2013 July 20, 2013 March 25, 2014 8Comments by wade.courtney
Evelyn Courtney

Evelyn Remembered

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A month ago today (June 20th), my daughter was taken from her life. The outpouring of support from friends, family, and people who had never met Evelyn has been tremendous. So much so that we are afraid that we will forget someone and not pay them the respect of a proper thank you. So, please, from the bottom of our hearts, if you don’t hear from us personally, please know that your gift, words, thoughts, or your presence was indeed felt, and was greatly appreciated.

What follows is the eulogy that I delivered at Evelyn’s service on Saturday, July 13, 2013.

By human standards, Evelyn only lived one-quarter of her expected life, but she lived that life to the fullest. She feared nothing, not even me. When she was younger and my constitution was a little stronger, we used to ride roller coasters together. We always sat in the first car. I was her defender.

Her mother was her shopping partner. She loved and adored her mother and embraced her mother’s Mexican heritage. Once for a school project she portrayed Mexican artist Frida Kaloe. The only thing she didn’t embrace were quesadillas, she hated quesadillas.

She also loved and adored her baby brother. They spend many hours together talking and hanging out, going to movies and when they were younger, reading comic books. Evelyn was a closet Nerd. She worried about her brother a lot, but now she is always with him, protecting him and guiding him.

Her boyfriend Jeremiah was a blessing for her. We are happy that he made her happy and we are proud to consider him as part of our own family.

For someone so young, she was as courageous as a teenager could be. She modeled in fashion shows as small as a few dozen people, to shows that filled huge auditoriums. She posed for many photographers, all of which have expressed how easy she was to work with. She was a natural She was not afraid, because when she was on, she was on.

Evelyn achieved something that many of us dream of, but never truly capture. Evelyn achieved immortality. She will be forever young with no fear of growing older. Her youth was captured in each of her photographs, each of her songs, each of her drawings, and in each of her actions. She loved to play. She loved to make others laugh. She had the gift of a great sense of humor.

It was because of Evelyn that I undertook photography. I wanted to ensure that she would be with reputable people and that she would be in a safe environment. We inspired each other. We did many projects together. She was meant to be in front of a camera. Her poise and grace never ceased to amaze those that met Evelyn.

Evelyn was dedicated to helping others. Five days before she was taken from us, she had convinced a couple who were addicted to Meth that they should stop. They said as much, when they wrote their story on one of Evelyn’s memorial posters. Evelyn made a difference. She inspired people to be better. Whether you knew her or not, she has touched each of our lives forever. As she was fond of saying, “Forever is a long time”.

In closing, I would like to quote from a paper she wrote for school. It was a paper about what she wanted for her future.

“If I could have a round trip ride in a time machine, as well as the ability to travel an unlimited distance, or experience the past of the future, I would travel into the future. I would travel five to ten years into the future and see how my life had progressed. I would also use the knowledge from the future and apply it to my present life.”

The future I would travel to, would be a future where all my dreams became true, the future that I would visit would be a warm home, with only the people I love surrounding me. Every day of that future would be my absolute happiness, many lives would have been changed, and all my wildest dreams would have come true.

The future I would travel to would be the most amazing trip of a lifetime.”


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May 07 2013 May 7, 2013 March 25, 2014 7Comments by wade.courtney

All Dogs Go to Heaven

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They say that all dogs go to heaven. If heaven really does exist, then Max definitely belongs there.

Max joined our family in 2000. I worked at a dog friendly start-up where several of my coworkers brought their dogs to work every day. Not surprisingly the dogs got along better than the people. Not wanting to be left out and not wanting to seem needy by wanting to pet the other dogs all the time, I decided I needed one of my own.

I became friends with Audrey, the HR manager. She had three golden retrievers. I wanted one for our family so she gave me the name of her breeder.

We met Max one evening, he was probably around 8 weeks old. My wife, kids, and I fell in love with him. I knew he was going to be a character when the first thing he did once we got him home was to play in his water dish.  He loved water and no matter where we went that had water, he would want to play in it.

He rode with me daily to and from work. He always wanted to be in my lap. In the office he was well-behaved and loved by all.

He was a wonderful companion for my family. He was patient With the kids when they were young, even when they stuck their fingers in his nose.

Max was well-trained, he could sit, lay down, and speak. Making him speak was one of my favorite things to do. He also loved to play fetch.

Being a golden retriever, he always wanted to bring me something when I came home. As soon as he saw me walk through the door, he would search frantically for something to bring. Mostly it was stray socks that he had picked up as he wandered around the house. I think one time he even got three tennis balls in his mouth and brought them to me.

Max loved attention and even though we showered attention on him, when other people were around, he acted like he never got any. One of my favorite things about Max was this noise he used to make when we were giving him attention. It was a cross between a growl and a whine, which when it came out sounded a lot like Chewbacca.

Max loved tacos, which was evident by the many times I would come home to my wife and she would tell me that Max had eaten my dinner. No food was safe.

Sadly, I lost my friend this past Saturday. He had been acting strange, slept more than usual, and had difficulty getting up. We took him for what we thought was just going to be a routine exam. Although, I think somewhere deep inside, I knew it was going to be bad.

We left max for an hour to have X-rays and blood work done. Upon returning we found out that Max was worse off than we had thought. He had developed a tumor in his spleen that ruptured and he was bleeding internally. He was very anemic with a red blood cell count of 16 when it should have been more than double that.

We were devastated. Surgery wasn’t feasible because of max’s age, so our only option was to put him down.

My wife and I went home to get the rest of the family so that they could say goodbye to one of their closest friends.

We waited in the procedure room. All of us decided to be with Max until the end and we each took turns holding max and saying our goodbyes.

Once the vet administered the anesthesia, if was only a matter of seconds until she said that he was gone. He lay peacefully on the blanket with his head over one leg just as if he was resting at home. He was at peace and suffered no longer.

We each said our goodbyes again and left the room.

Max knew when we needed him. He had this habit of interrupting my work, by throwing his head and nose under my forearm to throw my hand away from the keyboard. I would pet him, then he would lay on the floor next to me. If I got up, he followed. No matter where I ended up, I’d look down and there he was. Max never left my side and I didn’t leave his.

I was the last to leave the procedure room. I reached down, ruffled his fur, and told him I loved him.

I miss you buddy. Have some tacos for us, wherever you have gone.