Month: December 2013

Dec 21 2013 December 21, 2013 July 14, 2015 1Comment by wade.courtney

The Story Behind the Picture

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EvelynRelated to the post I made yesterday on the six-month anniversary of my daughter’s death, I was asked what was the story behind the photo that accompanied that story.

It was January 2011. I had been shooting seriously as a photographer for just over a year, and Evelyn had been in her third fashion show. She needed more photos for her portfolio and I needed more practice photographing people.

She changed her clothes and grabbed some props and I set up my lights. What followed was our first father/daughter photo session. The session lasted a couple of hours, with her changing clothes multiple times. We were both having a lot of fun and I captured many great shots of Evelyn being Evelyn. The Chanel scarf was her mother’s and became a useful prop in many of the photos.

That day and those that followed were some of the best days of our days together.

 


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Dec 20 2013 December 20, 2013 July 14, 2015 7Comments by wade.courtney

Half a Year Away

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EvelynIt’s been six months since Evelyn left us. Sometimes it seems like it was years ago, and other times it still feels like she will walk through the door at any moment. Six months is a significant milestone for us. It’s half a year, 26 weeks, 182 days since we’ve been able to touch, hold, kiss, or talk to Evelyn. My days look like a sine wave. I laugh, but I feel guilty. I smile, but I don’t know why. In those moments when I laugh or smile, I forget for a split second that Evelyn is gone, then when the laughter is over, I remember, and then I feel guilty

I am angry a lot, but I try not to let it show. Sometimes I succeed. I read things that say to start the healing part, you have to let go of the anger and have forgiveness. I can’t do either of these because I feel as though I betray the memory of my daughter and what was taken from us that early summer morning. Friends and family offer up platitudes and prayers and I accept them with the intention from which they were given. I am grateful for my friends and my family.

A new normal has set into our lives now. I fight waking up in the morning and getting dressed for work. Wearing a suit and tie is what’s required, but I long for Fridays, not because it’s the end of the week, but because it means I don’t have to wear a suit. Riding the bus I stare out of the window or try to read, sometimes I sleep. If it’s not Karate night, I sit in front of the TV watching shows or playing video games. Once in a while, I go answer emails or update Facebook. The days are long and the nights are short. I cry a lot. I think of Evelyn. I wonder where she is and I wonder what she’s up to.

When I think of her urn and what it contains, I get angry. I try not to dwell on those thoughts too long.  Occasionally I go into her room. It’s not that I avoid her room, but when I step in, I’m bombarded with smells and sights. When I enter, I hear nothing. No birds outside, no cars going by, no talking in other parts of the house. Nothing, but my own heartbeat and and the ringing in my ears.

I worry for my wife and son. I feel helpless to be able to help them at times. At times if feels like walls are crumbling all around me. Each brick has Evelyn’s name on it.

Mostly I’m just angry.


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Dec 10 2013 December 10, 2013 July 14, 2015 2Comments by wade.courtney
Luis Vega

A Day in Court

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This past Friday was supposed to be another milestone passed on this new life path without one of my children. myself, my family, and a contingent of supporters should have sat in the courtroom watching Evelyn’s Killer get sentenced to prison for his crime. Finally, he was supposed to be held accountable so that we could move forward.

I sat in the next to the last row of the courtroom, my attorney on my right and my friend behind me. In front of me, not more than a foot, sat Robbie Gillespie’s wife. In front of her sat an aging, diminutive Philippine woman who was to be his new attorney. We could tell, because she help a large accordion file with ROBBIE GILLESPIE written on the side in big, bold letters. Gillespie’s wife was accompanied by others, whom I could only guess were friends and family. Notably absent were his own children.

As all the other cases on the docket were cleared, we were all asked to vacate the courtroom so that Gillespie could have  a private conversation with his public defender and the judge. This is the part where Gillespie tried and failed to fire his public defender for incompetence.

Finally we were all called back into the courtroom. I switched my seating arrangement so I could have a good vantage point. I wanted to Gillespie to look me in the eye. I alone sat in the very first row of seats, his family sat in the very last row. He winked to his wife or to or to someone, it was hard to tell.

It was the first time I had ever seen him in person. He wore his orange prison jumpsuit, he was clean-shaven, wearing glasses that reminded me of Louis Dega from Papillon. He was shackled.

The first thing the judge did was refuse Gillespie’s motion to dismiss his public defender on the grounds of incompetence. Then his public defender was relieved from the case so the private defense attorney could take over.

She did two things, the first was to ask for a continuance in the case so that she could prepare for the next hearing date. The second was to ask for a psychological evaluation of Gillespie, stating that he did not understand the charges or proceedings that were being held against him.

The judge granted the continuance and because the competency hearing could be held before the next hearing, he granted that too.

What does that mean? Well, simply put, if he is declared incompetent, Gillespie will be transferred to a psychiatric hospital until such time that he is declared competent to stand trial. If he is declared competent at the hearing, then everything moves forward to the next sentencing hearing where his new defense lawyer put forth a motion to withdraw his guilty plea.

If the motion is granted, then we start over from the beginning.

If the motion is denied, then he will be sentenced that day.

I can’t begin to describe to you the anger I am feeling at this animal for his contempt and manipulation of the system. I am in utter disbelief at his failure to recognize and take responsibility for what he has done to my family and his own.

These animals are so lacking in integrity, morals, and compassion that they have not even reached out to us to offer condolences for our loss. A loss that he caused and she defends.


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Dec 03 2013 December 3, 2013 July 14, 2015 2Comments by wade.courtney
Evelyn

Be a Man

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The defendant in the case  is attempting to fire his public defender and withdrawal his guilty plea. What this means:
The judge with either:

  • Grant his motion and give him a 60 day continuance and not impose sentencing on Friday.

OR

  • Reject his motion and impose sentencing as scheduled.

I can’t begin to tell you how angry and sad we are. Why can’t this person just take responsibility for his actions. Why can’t he just be a man.

We still plan on attending on Friday, in case that the judge throws out Gillespie’s motion and sentences him for the crimes to which he has already admitted.


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